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Tossing Pebbles in the Stream

This blog is my place to sit and toss pebbles into the stream. The stream of Life relentlessly passing before us. We can affect it little. For the most part I just watch it passing and follow the flow. Occasionally, I need to comment on its passing, tossing a pebble at it to enjoy the ripple affect upon Life's surface.

Friday, March 06, 2009

"They Have Reconciled."

It has been a typical quiet morning here. I have fed the animals, taken the dog out, started the woodstove and got the coffee going. I just sat down on a chair to enjoy my coffee and cinnamon toast to chat with my dog Heidi,( lying as usual on my couch watching me, hoping for a piece of toast), while half watching the news on TV.

TV Item: Chris Brown has been charged with two count of assault on his girlfriend Rihanna!

Following this bit of news are the graphic details of how he beat her to a pulp while driving together in his Lamborgini, with the accompaning photo of the young woman looking like she was the loser in an extreme fighting match.

I thinking how horrible and unforgiveable when I hear. "THEY HAVE RECONCILED." WAAAA! I caught myself screaming at the TV.

"The Scream" by Edvard Munch

Have you ever wanted to scream at the TV? How could this young woman "reconcile" with anyone who did what Chris Brown did? It is beyond my comprehension. If she doesn't have any more respect for herself than that then maybe she should disown this low life human being for the benefit of all the young girls who admire her, her fans who have made her wealthy. They need to know this kind of behaviour by a man is absolutely unacceptable. Apparently, she is going to speak up in court on ChrisBrown's behalf What ever she has to say can only ring hollow in the face of the physical evidence and the disposition she has already given.

I am not sure who is more pitiful: Chris Brown, who live with a rage he cannot control or Rihana, who in spite of fame and fortune cannort envision herself as a worthy independent woman, who will let no man ever strike her.

As one who has never raised his hand in anger at a woman or child, these cases I will never understand. In my more self pitying moment I wonder if maybe if I had knocked some woman around a little I might not be living alone. . . . Not really! I would have no respect for myself if I did that. One can only hope our laws will deal harshly with men who cross the line and bring violence into a relationship with their, "love ones". Sadly it is only when it happens to the "beautiful people" do we learn much about it.

Thus ends this morning's rant. I feel better now.


At 9:58 a.m., Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Hear, hear! Which until recently, I thought was Here, here. How could I have taken 60 years to figure that out?

At 10:56 a.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmm a toughie, I personally may think she is mad for backing down and taking him back but then again, some, (only some, I know) people change... and on the odd occasion, trust can be regained. I'd probably have been shouting at the telly with you though still. I just know of at least one instance when a sad story (like tis one) had a happy ending.

At 12:07 p.m., Blogger Peggy said...

Sadly, the same is going on with my youngest daughter Megan. She was taken to the hospital the other night from a beating her husband gave her. Come to find out he had been beating her for the whole 9 years they had been married. She never told anyone, just took it. She is now settled in a apartment with the 2 children and we have promised her if she goes back to him we will call social services and take the kids. That is the only reason she isn't going back. I just don't understand. She works at the hospital so the doctor didn't report the beating to the police. She asked him not to. I can't understand how anyone thinks its okay for their spouse to beat them. No one deserves to be treated that way. I screamed at my tv too when I heard it.

At 12:37 p.m., Blogger Gretchen said...

The story really bothers me, too. I've seen too many women who forgive the man after that and they end up in a casket. :( I have screamed at the TV far too many times over the last 8 years (as I'm sure more than a few of us have). Now I try to just watch a few shows. Too much TV starts up the pain and that isn't good.

At 3:35 p.m., Blogger KGMom said...

Oh dear--Peggy's story (above) is very sad.
I totally agree with you--how could she reconcile with him? Because that is what happened--THEY didn't reconcile, she did.
I too scream at (or at least talk back to) the TV.
Domestic violence is one of the saddest problems in our society.

At 7:04 p.m., Blogger Loretta said...

I've known it to happen over and over. My best friend in the world lived with abuse for over 36 years, untill she passed away. I finally gave up that she would leave him, I think it was just easier than facing life alone. Really sad!

At 7:17 p.m., Blogger Cathy said...

Hello Phil
Yes like you I have shouted at the TV on more than one occassion, shaking my head in disbelief often happens in my house
My Dad was a shouter not a beater -mental cruelty is as bad a physical cruelty. Mum took it all, did her fair share of yelling and seemed to take her share of the 'blame' yet Dad never raised his voice to us children. We often wonder if this was because they 'had to get married'. I was the outcome of that pregnancy so heard it all my life.
Domestic violence happens world wide, in 'good' homes as well as 'bad' homes as well as 'nice' homes. Unless it gets out of hand and soemone is hospitalised the 'victim' goes back because they are more afraid of the consequences of being outed than the consequences of more beatings.
They may not have a good suppport network and think it's better the devil you know than the one you don't as well as thinking it was 'their fault' it happened. So like my Mum they stay.
Take care

At 10:00 p.m., Blogger Old Wom Tigley said...

This is a worthy rant Philip, I to was amased by the story. It saddens me to think of her taking him back ... she must know by now that it will only be a matter of time until him dose this or worse again.
Hopefully he will pay for this at some stage and end up as someones bitch while he is behind bars.. maybe to be on the receiving end will teach him a lesson.


At 11:06 p.m., Blogger Sissy T. said...

This is a case of "battered wife syndrome". Physical as well as mental abuse comes under this. I've seen it in many relationships in my life. This is a condition not only for women and wives.

Physical and mental abuse seems to occur so often for those who are too co-dependent, I think; the fear of a future of being alone; even coercion or threats can cause a person to return after an occurrence such as this. It can take long years before the person finally realizes the truth and reality of this kind of situation, of the part as the victim they play. I know from my own experience. And this is a reason why I am alone for 30 years.
It is very tragic; also for those who have to stand by while seeing it happening.

Perpetrators of this violence most definitely need help and maybe a padded cell in jail. I think this is very widespread in the world.

Another instance of that big EGO rearing its head, no doubt, the cause of so much trouble.

At 8:27 a.m., Blogger amelia said...

This is one of the few we hear about. It's like animal abuse, whatever happens to all the women who never speak up and all the men who think they have every right to do this!! Makes me boil!

On another note, my hubby has a tie with a pic of 'The Scream' on it. I kept it from the 'old days' but he doesn't wear it anymore. Very seldom wears a tie at all!!

At 10:48 a.m., Blogger Clare said...

Good post, Philip. I agree with all the previous comments, too. My conculsion is that it all boils down to a lack of self esteem. For both parties involved. Unfortunately, the victim of such abuse usually does not see that she can take care of herself just fine, and not need to rely on the abuser... because that is usually one of the verbal abuses slung around... that they are nothing without the other. I think all young girls need to be given a class in self esteem early on. Even those in a fine home environment, because when they get out into the world, they will most likely need the reminder as they try to find their place.

At 1:23 p.m., Blogger Ginnie said...

I worked for over 23 years in an Emergency Room of an active hospital. This was by no means an unusual occurrence...and it crossed all ethnic, age and color lines. Women must learn to value themselves BEFORE they tie the knot of they'll never untie it when the need arises. It's a horrendous problem.

At 6:10 p.m., Anonymous keiths ramblings said...

Amen to that.

At 2:54 p.m., Blogger Navigator said...

I have a book recommendation for you: Life at the Bottom, by Theodore Dalrymple. Although you are talking about celebrities and Dalrymple's examples are from the slums of London, I think the messages are the same. As Hemingway once put it so aptly, in rejoinder to a comment by F. Scott Fitzgerald "that the rich are different"; "Yes, they have more money."

At 12:25 a.m., Blogger Mary said...


I can't understand it in this day and age. I do know that in the past, women had no income, no property and no skills and that is why they stayed, but today there is absolutely no excuse.

I hadn't heard about this incident but she is absolutely crazy for reconciling. Low self esteem, money, afraid she can't get anyone else that will treat her with respect and dignity, or even an abusive childhood may be factors.

Take care. Looking forward to spring and bet that you are too.


At 5:44 p.m., Blogger judie said...

Don't blame her. She believes he will change. She BELIEVES he will change. No doubt he said "I'm sorry honey, it will never happen again, I promise, I love you so much, please forgive me" and she did, and she BELIEVES he will change. I know. And he won't.

At 8:49 p.m., Blogger Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

I have found people's comments interesting. There is a personal story behind some of them I am sure.

Girls need to be taught that physical )and emotional abuse) is a deal breaker. They need to tell their partners this up front. There are no free first hits, no second chances. The plea that "I will change and never do it again."
needs to be answered with: "I hope so for you but if you do change it will be for the benefit of your next partner. Whatever we had you have damaged beyond repair."

At 12:11 p.m., Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was checking in to see if you were ok but I can see you are... :o)

At 4:02 p.m., Blogger Janet said...

Judie is right. She wants to believe he won't do it again. But he will. Hopefully she won't be fooled twice. And hopefully she'll live through it. She's only 18 or so. She does have money, though, doesn't she? Isn't she a singer?

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